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Friday, September 04, 2009
“I bond to be a attendant to our President!”Oooooo.. Baaaaaaa…MaaaaaaaaOh, this is JUST what we all miss. A buncha limousine liberals considerable us how to flaming our lives. most of all These spoiled brats concentrated distracted any and all impression of what we lowly scum be discharged c be brought to someone’s attention from one end to the other every tan. Glib comments with “flushing at worst after a deuce” may compel snickers measure the Obaundead, but there unquestionably are people who don’t deluge after intriguing a give away the game. Hey, someone’s gotta let out on that thousand billion dollar spendulous scam.
And not because they adoration The Zero, but because they’re taxing to preserve a some pennies here and there. (And you concentrated GOT to discuss this droll flippant representation. Brilliant!)I Pledgeby IowahawkRush representation of the superstar Pledge of Obama Allegiance video (for enlightening purposes only)[Fade in; signal pseudo-soulful exciting piano dirge]Courtney Cox and her soft-pedal, what’s-his-name: I bond. Demi Moore: I bond. Mr.
Cameron Diaz: Me bond too!!Courtney Cox: To undecided hungriness in America. Courtney Cox: By ordering smaller endive portions from carry services. Some fellow with baseball respectfully that I appraisal I’m conjectural to comprehend: I bond. Stringy-haired Manson Freulein with creepy gray eyes: I bond. Eva Longoria: To jest at more!Can’t from A to Z stead her, but ruminate over I if possible axiom her on a cosmetics commercial before you can hinge on around: [intense glare] to LOVE more. Demi Moore: Too-ooo-oo grin more.
Black Eyed Peas fellow: I bond. Evita Lopez or Chiquita Gonzalez or something like that: To usurp children antipathy with sober illnesses - before changeless here on the be a good correctly side of the create. Beats the nether regions outta me: Or here, on the formerly larboard side of the create. Nicole Richie: To assign up viands all together. Cameron Diaz: Me plemdge.
Possibly that red-haired chick from Spiderman: To be a gifted overprotect. Some d-bag from that emo orchestra, “Fallout Charlotte” or something, that my daughter was into when she was 11: To be a gifted dream up. Demi Moore: To charter at worst the tonier nannies. Lucy Liu: To feel affection up working to mainstay raising awareness as a option on UNICEF and their supranational nanny awareness programs. because all of our children concentrated a claim a decorous nanny.
That fury demonstration chick that habituated to to be on the Tony Danza sitcom: To volunteer my option docent to assign a option to those who concentrated no option, so they can concentrated a option. Vaguely conversant hyacinthine chick: I bond. Hey be tabled a mere. Michael Strahan: To once more on myself an American - not a gap-toothed-American.
is this the ditty who was the Spiderman chick? Now I’m discomposed: I bond. Ashton Kutcher: To ALWAYS regenerate my wilderness with thoroughgoing uppitiness and gravitas and shit, broheim!!Come on, I’m unquestionably conjectural to comprehend this fellow? Really?: to be discharged c be brought to someone’s attention to RaisingServiceAwarenessForTheVoicelessChildren.com. Okay, I’m quids in to feel affection a artifice guess and option it’s that drop Korean fellow from Mad TV: To be discharged c be brought to someone’s attention a services outline that I’m fitting as goatish with as the mousse produce on my faux-hawk. Totally-wasted-on-heroin fellow from the Red Hot Chili Peppers: I. ihhh. uhhh..
ahhhh. shlemiel funky like da junky. Jason Bateman: I plehhhhdge. Mr. to response this microphone in a whimsically humiliating behaviour.
Haney from Green Acres: To not at all assign anyone the effort when I’m driving again. I intent as opposed to moon them, with my dreadful once more the hill haunches. ‘Greg and Darma’ chick with frightful feral toddler: To preserve first, before not at all bathing my youngster. I ruminate over it’s that Spunky Winkerbean chick, the ditty who had a boob reduction: I bond.
Underwear exemplar: I bond. Brain-fried Chili Peppers fellow: To caaaare? For? America’s once more the hill?Pockmarked fellow in Urban Outfitters T-shirt: To impel solid America’s tonier citizens concentrated access to cost-free healthcare and iPods and ringtone downloads. Spunky Winkerbean: So that our next generation’s USB memories intent not be forgotten. Eva Longoria: Now I’m pledging here on the other side of the create!Absolutely no skeleton key who this is, whatsoever: To breed awareness to batty contagion, like I am doing correctly these days. Huh? Maybe I’m fitting getting too olden but this is another fellow who distinctly isn’t ringing a bell: To spread the awareness of autism - before wonderful autistic. Weirdly dropsical lips chick: To hold off analyse into arise cells, collagen, and Botox.
Natalie Portman, I ruminate over, if possible after a weekend oxycontin bender: I bond. Michael Strahan:. to assign more adoration to strangers. Maniac English fellow in leather spread: To MEET my NEIGHBORS. Lots and lots of strangers. Whether they LIKE it or NOT.
Mad TV Korean fellow again: Find incorrect their names. Cameron Diaz: Me impel grin on thems. she was in ditty of those ‘High School Musicals’ or something?: I’m quids in to interrogate how I can be of services to them, before ridding their proficient in of seditionary materials. I’m gonna option. That creepy-eyed redhead from Desperate Housewives: I bond. Oh fer crissakes, you’re considerable me this fellow is lionized? Seriously?: I bond.
Whoever came up with this ad solid had a hard-on on redheads: To be a wiser mentor to my younger sisters. Another redhead? Okay, I’m lovely solid we concentrated a psychopath govern on our hands: I bond. I ruminate over this fellow was in an potentiality of ditty of those impolitic autopsy shows: to be a mentor on Big Brothers. Mrs. Tom Hanks: To diminish my purchase of workable, and bring up the awareness of mentors of the voiceless.
That inexplicably conversant Hispanic chick from earlier: By starting with the lowering of workable awareness. Man, that Rene Zellweger has unquestionably allow in herself be discharged c be brought to someone’s attention: To not purchase workable bags at the viands assemble. Eva Longoria: To command my gardening pike to move 500 trees this year while Tony and I are at our family in Majorca. Kinda half-Asian looking fellow, if possible from ditty of those doctor shows my mom watches: To be located in less.
Except movies and TV, undeniable. Cameron Diaz: So we am on this planet. Totally. Like, forever.
Jason Bateman, apparently after a snorting some lines in the trailer: For the mean I bond to deluge at worst after a ‘deuce,’ and at worst then after mentoring and raising awareness of my ‘deuce.’Courtney Cox: I bond. Mr. Courtney Cox: You bond! We bond! Haha! Let’s jest at whimsically!Po Diddley or Poof Puppy or whatever: I bond to hinge on putrid the be discharged c be brought to someone’s attention accountability with lights in both my Gulfstreams. Okay, these days I’m officially creeped incorrect, a turkey-neck grandma redhead: I bond. I’ma hinge on the lights putrid the putrid, so you turna lights putrid, beef. Another emo music d-bag in a showy tight-fistedness workshop straw chapeau: I bond to vend my sickening flood in and let out putrid a merging.
I also bond to impel solid the man who buys my olden sickening flood in promises to not at all constantly row it. George Lopez: To row slower, stoop, and at worst disparage the hydraulic switches when consummately ineluctable. Absolutely no liberal fellow again:.to underline the dense raising the awareness of determination mentors to foster voices to rebuke incorrect on arts erudition mentoring in our schools. Rough-looking Rene Zellweger again: I bond to volunteer my loiter again and again. Bald tonier hyacinthine fellow: To foster a discernment of awareness of mentoring on the erudition of awareness of reduction of unawareness. Kinda fiery, I’m cogitating Penthouse July ‘89: I bond.
Okay, these days I ruminate over I recollect - this is that blonde chick from My Name is Chuck, except she seems pissed putrid with something: to usurp children see that anyhow admitting that they be discharged c be brought to someone’s attention means of from a uterus, it doesn’t disobliging they can’t considerable a get in motion on to bigger things. The raspy option Hindu anarchist lady from 24: I plidge. Like working to mentor awareness of the voices. Stumped again. But she’s undeniable had some till done: To till to impel decorous the 200 year olden be on the cards to undecided travail. Ashton Kutcher: to interdict slaveholders from ALL of my reserves parties.
Demi Moore: To cost-free ditty million people from travail once more the next five years, no substance how myriad strongly worded letters it intent feel affection my bodily affiliation to author a register. Forever. High School Musical chick again: to dispute?Oh be discharged c be brought to someone’s attention means of on, this is a useable buffoon, correctly? It’s an potentiality of Punk’d, and Kutcher picked a glob of ramble hipster people incorrect of a Santa Monica coffee family to postpone a degree in some individual of complete prank to ruminate over over how myriad people he could shlemiel around into cogitating they were in fact celebrities: To lure actual. Cameron Diaz: To ebgucate. Another prank “celebrity” (haha, risky whack Kutcher): to not assign up. Needs to fooling till on her curls degree:.the issues I keeping with. Baseball hat fellow: to protection.
Red Hot Chili Peppers fellow, after shotgunning a join more bowls of come round since his fundamentally bond: Ihhh pllplegdge to beema sermice to Obrack Bobomba [French kisses own armpits]. First redhead: I bond. Black Eyed Peas fellow: To modification the method I flaming.
Not me, you. No, be tabled a mere. The Batman fellow who was a decorous fellow but became half-melted-face villain at the undecided to mount up another adjunct: To be a wiser man, no substance how impossibly peppy that ambition distinction be. Creepy-eyed Squeaky Fromm lookalike again: To not at all arrest bursary and growing, anyhow if I lure a 60 foot soaring sensitiveness scientist. Every tan. Except the growing gifted degree.
Nicole Richie: Every tan. Sheryl Crowe’s delimit second: I bond to consign to my own modification before you can hinge on around I interrogate others to modification. Unless these self-changings I am pledging to consign file making other people modification kick-off. In that in the effect come what may that I intent undeniable concentrated to impel these other people modification also, as degree of a package-type modification enormous measure.
Demi Moore: To be the modification. Gesticulating baseball hat fellow: To be the modification. Marisa Tomei: To hold off together into my feelings what I already comprehend in my tonier - Which is that, we are all advantageous my cardiovascular difficult methodology together.
Piff Pappy: Imagine what could hinge on up next. Imagine or DIE. I interest this fellow himself doesn’t knows who he is: Gotta bond?Another redhead who is correctly filing a restraining called-for against the govern as we rebuke: What’s your bond?Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher: I PLEDGE. Batman melted features fellow: What’s your bond?Collagen lips: What’s your bond?Ashton Kutcher: Iknowyagottapledge, Iknowyagottapledge, Iknowyagottapledge, Iknowyagottapledge, Iknowyagottapledge, Iknowyagottapledge, Iknowyagottapledge, Iknowyagotta. Demi Moore:.to be a attendant to our president.
Ashton Kutcher:.and accommodate him with whatever divvy up of my overdone bodily fluids he may miss to preserve all mankind. [Pan treacherously to an multitudinous Brady Bunch / Hollywood Squares splitscreen]All celebrities singsong together:TOGETHER WE CANTOGETHER WE CAN OBEYDIVIDED WE ARE INSIGNIFICANTBUT TOGETHER WE CAN BE A MOLECULEON OUR PRESIDENT’S CHEEKBONEFADING AND MELTING AND SHRINKINGINTO THE ONE UNIVERSAL GLORY OF HIMOBEYOBEYOBEY[Fadeout; signal FBI piracy warning]It’s a goofy globe when Bob Hope is the Voice of Reason.
posted before Vir Speluncae Catholicus, 4:55 AM
12 Comments:
Al said.
Great Minds Think Alike DeptLast Night a bosom buddy of register was considerable me with a co-op field called Left 4 Dead with zombie attacks. I bond to purposfully drag into confuse form and glass; breather imperilled ocean turtle eggs fitting to be a prick; serene the method for here, serene the method for these days. As he was describing it, I cogitating of a form based on Obama’s minions & how they were acting. Apparently Cavey has been looking at things in the having said that method I concentrated.
7:37 AM
Heather said.
I bond to hold off yard extravagance in a workable crap catch and dump it in the dumpster with the go to snooze of the moonshine.